“Ha-ha who me? Oh, I put ketchup on everything!” CAR SALESMAN: please stop putting ketchup on these Buicks.

When Jesus comes back, how will they discover if he’s Jesus or Robot Jesus? by giving him the shroud of turing test.

2% of Japanese have cataracts… The rest drive Toyota and Nissan.

Santa is a dependent clause because

can’t wait to see how dudes figure out how to still get really mad at each other when cars are all self-driving

In any kind of relationship…you learn more about someone at the end of that relationship than at the beginning……

Do you think, when they were looking for that Carmen girl, that they ever checked San Diego? Just a thought.

What is the Earth’s most juvenile lake? Lake Titicaca of course!

My SO always wanted a Disney wedding… But aparently selling our memories of it to a demon was out of the question.

Did you guys hear about the circus fire? It was in tents.