Adolf Hitler banned 5k races but sponsored an annual marathon… …Because Marathons are the master race.

Me: was I born with a mental disorder? Mom: did you iron a shirt while wearing it again Me: NO Mom: ? Me: I thought pants would be different

How do you make a kilogram of fat appealing? Put a nipple on it

What did Indira Gandhi hate worse than a bogey on a par four Sikhs

I like my women the way i like my luxury cars Blacked out

Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? He didn’t have the guts to.

I was mugged by an artist last night…. he drew a gun on me

“Ugh, you’re so obsessed with me.” Boss: “I just asked why you’re twenty minutes late?”

Take your time, Officer. I have nothing but respect for the law. Your imminent death on this dark side street can wait.

Me: you have a good head on your shoulders Neck: ok wow, i’m like right here