What disease do neckbeard mosquitos give you? M’laria.

Why is everyone in the Soviet Union always in a hurry? Why is everyone in the Soviet Union is always in a hurry? They’re all Russian.

A ghost walks into a bar. The bartender asks: what’ll you have? Ghost says: I’m here for the boos.

They say you should play dead if a bear attacks you. That shouldn’t be that hard once he snaps your torso in half.

I heard the Pope’s first choice for a guest was in fact Hillary… But he couldn’t afford her speaking fees

There’s so much sexism in this world. Just once I’d like to see a Maury show titled “You are not the Mother”.

Bird Strike Pilots in a cockpit of A380: -Damn! Birdstrike!! -NO!! It was a Fokker 50!!

Farmers. If Farmer A sells watermelon, and Farmer B sell apples, what does Farmer C sell? Drugs.

You can always predict what antigay protesters will say. But never how they’ll spell it.

New BMWs don’t have a dipstick located in the engine anymore They’re now located in the driver seat