who’s there * Knock knock * *who’s there* * Dwayne * *Dwayne who?* * Dwayne the tub, I’m dwowning!

What did the slug say to the police? “I was as”salt”ed”

My friend said his dog could retrieve a stick from 5 miles away. That just seems a little far fetched to me.

A TV weatherman who keeps accidentally calling the anchorwoman mom

Spilled yogurt on my shirt and now I can’t stop thinking of selling shirts made of yogurt. The Yoshirt. I taste potential. And mixed berry.

So I walked by a restaurant in Maine! It had a sign up ” Happy hour special: Lobster tail and beer!” I said to myself. Jesus, my three favorite things!

How do you know the toothbrush was made in France? Anywhere else it would’ve been the “teethbrush”

People need to learn the difference between heroin and heroine. One is exceedingly more difficult to fit into a syringe.

what do you call a homosexual plaything? a gayme

How do you eat a bald pussy? You remove her diaper first.