Why did the ghost get kicked out of the bar? 1. Because he was sheet faced. 1. Because he couldn’t hold his boos. EDIT: Formatting.

WIFE: Will he ever wake up? DOCTOR: Only a shocking truth will do it W: i sold his pet hamster ME *eyes fly open* WHERE HAS THEODORE GONE

Why did princess Diana cross the road? She forgot to wear a seatbelt.

How did Hitler achieve 99 firemaking? He burned yews.

Your password must be at least 8 characters long & contain a capital letter, a number, and a hideous personal secret.

What is a grape without ‘g’? It’s still a grape, just without gravity.

Which is better Pirate Bay or Pirate Bae? Pirate Bae, because it never goes down.

Yesterday one of my patients told me about the time he sat on his testicles… It was nuts.

Kim Jong Un has upgraded himself from “Leader of North Korea” to “Supreme Leader of North Korea” by adding sour cream and extra cheese.

What do you throw a drowning aboriginal? His wife and kids