Live today like it’s your last day. But pay bills and dress appropriately just in case it isn’t.

There’s a one-eyed doctor round my way that gives out free body parts. He gives me the willies.

From an Obit: He was always a daredevil His last words were “Watch this.”

How many potatos does it take to kill an Irishman? None…..

Welcome to college! Here’s a list of our majors. Here’s a list of majors that lead to unemployment. As you can see, both lists are the same.

if Lindsay Lohan can call herself an artist, I can call myself a german shepherd

A Polish girl got married On her wedding night, she received something long and hard from her husband. It was his last name.

Wait. If Toyotas can’t stop accelerating, can’t they theoretically be used for space travel?

I have seagull managers. They swoop in, screech like hell, shit all over everything, then fly away.

I stepped on the scale today. Not to get my weight. I just couldn’t reach the cookies in the cupboard.