Did you see the guy at Walmart hiding from ugly people?

Dear Oral-B You forget the J

Why black people are so good with basketball? They can shoot and steal without being arrested.

Why do people keep asking me what I’m going to be doing in three years? I don’t have 2020 vision.

I tried fixing my vacuum the other day on my own… now it sucks even more!

My black friend called me a disgrace in front of his girlfriend. But then I realized he was introducing me to his girlfriend, Grace.

[boss starts giggling uncontrollably during his presentation as I tickle a voodoo doll]

person texting me: hey I’m outside me: [covered in glue and accidentally tripping onto a pile of several thousand photos of you] uh HANG ON

A student asks another student, “How many zeroes does your salary have?” He responds “One” “In which currency?” “Any :(“

My father held his temper very well…. Every time we would get mad, he would just count to 100. Then take my head out of the water.