Before mustaches were invented, people had to just GUESS who owned a water bed

I bought a chilli dog and a thumb drive at a gas station… Ya know, for shits and gigs.

What is the problem with high frequency? It Hertz

“Meetings” What a Jamaican calls everything he owns.

How do you reuse a condom? You turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it.

No internet for 11 hours. I’ve written two novels, lost 15 pounds, and forgotten how to pronnounce “gif.”

Two lorry’s crashed into each other, one containing terrapins the other containing tortoises… It was a turtle disaster.

Oh I’m sorry.. I didn’t know it was “bring your feelings to work day”.

Great Insults A letter from teacher to parent:Dear parent,Kamal doesn’t smel nice in class.Please try to bathe him.Parent answer:Dear teacher,Kamal is not a rose.Don’t smell him.Teach him.

Knock Knock Who’s there ! Alan ! Alan who ? Alan a good cause !