After years of commercials, I still have no idea what a Go Daddy is

I just want one spam email that’s like, “Congratulations! You have a perfect-sized penis.”

Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night? Nurse: No change yet.

The second I feel pressured to do something, I’m out of there faster than a dog who hears his name and knows it’s bath time.

Blonde joke… Blonde: What does IDK mean? Brunette: I don’t know. Blonde: NOBODY DOES!!!

I lost over 100 pounds in the last week. The casinos here in London have terrible odds.

I’m more hampster than gangster according to autocorrect

What’s worse than finding a lobster on your piano? Finding crabs on your organ.

In LGBTQ families… We need more transparency.

Did you hear about the guy who burnt down the Chinese restaurant? He was charged with won ton destruction ^^*cue* ^^*groan*