How many /r/ users does it take to change a lightbulb? Three. One to do it, one to complain that it has already been done before, and one to repost this joke.

Owning a sword is like being a horny priest… Owning a sword is like being a horny priest, even though you want to, you can never use it without breaking the law.

So I’ve been chatting with this 13 year old girl online. She’s funny, flirty and sexy. Now she tells me shes an undercover cop… How cool is that for someone her age??

[takes a massive shit on a bird in the park] See? Not nice, is it?

Kinda messed up that marijuana is just a plant. Like, what other plants are drugs? *tries to smoke a carrot* Yea I guess I’m feelin it

Why don’t ducks blow glass? To many quacks

[ouija board] me: are there any spirits with us? Speak now ouija board: H E L L O F R O M T H E O T H E R S I D E me: ….please stop

Last night I played Cards Against Humanity for the first time… You know what gives me uncontrollable gas? Auschwitz

What do you call Robin Hood’s mother? Mother Hood.

Have you guys had the new Lance Armstrong Trail Mix? There’s only one nut in the bag.