What do you call a big fish who makes you an offer you can’t refuse ? The Codfather !

I went to a psychic today. Ended up accidentally breaking her crystal ball. It cost me a fortune.

It’s cute how insurance companies think funny commercials and catchy jingles will make us forget how much we hate them.

Told my dealer I wanted a shitload of Coke but autocorrect changed it to shipload now I owe a Columbian cartel 18 million dollars

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Cliff

How do you make an archaeologist blush? Give them a dirty tampon and ask them what period is this from.

Did you hear Italy is joining forces with ISIS? They think the world needs more Italian ISIS

Where does the bride of Frankenstein have her hair done? At the ugly parlour.

My friend handed me broken scissors… I told him this isn’t going to cut it.

My ten year old son just asked me what were the 80’s like. So I turned the Wi-Fi off and took away his smart phone.