My university was really pissed off when they found out that I had a BSc., MSc., and a PhD. They really gave me the third degree.

What do you call people who worship paper bags? Sack religious

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the ‘P’ is silent!

My boss said he’s going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I’ve got a hunch it might be me.

I didn’t say you were ugly, I just said you were facially challenged.

A blind guy walks into the kitchen…. …and picks up a cheese grater. Runs his fingers up and down the grater: “who the f*ck wrote these stupid things?”

How many NRA members does it take to stop a 6-year-old paraplegic from stealing a candy bar? Nobody knows – they usually lose count at 800 rounds.

The dogboner /Neil degrasse Tyson situation has been an elaborate ruse all so Michael hale could claim on gawker that he has a girlfriend

What’s Harry Potter’s way to get to the bottom of a hill? Running . . . JK! Rolling

A 72 year old benjamin button, is a pedophiles dream.