Did you hear the joke about argon and krypton? It didn’t get much of a reaction. ^^^^ill^just^be^on^my^way^out^now

*whispers to old lady at Starbucks* one time they ran out of coffee here and we ate a baby

Why did the console player cross the road? To get the game 6 months earlier

Here is a joke about sausage: Nevermind. It’s the wurst.

What does Lebron James do after winning the NBA Championship? He turns off his Xbox.

How do you know a joke is a repost? It’s on the front page

Me: I just want to sleep! Brain: AND I WANT YOU TO THINK ABOUT EVERY LIFE CHOICE YOU’VE EVER MADE! Bladder: Oh & don’t forget about me.

What is Trump’s favorite animated movie? WALL-E

Her: I have Netflix if you wanna come watch a movie 🙂 Me: No it’s ok, I have my own account [60 years later on deathbed] Me: Wait a minute

I’m quite sure if Adam had offered Eve a donut, that whole Garden of Eden thing would’ve gone in an entirely different direction.