“Down” “Penetration” “Tight End” “Ball handling” Don’t the networks have censors any more?

A drunk homeless guy wanted to fight me yesterday As soon as he kicked me and lost his shoe I could smell defeat.

How do you propose to a stoner? Marriage, you wanna?

What were the odds that Matt Damon made it off Mars? Astronomical

Q: Why shouldn’t you listen to people who have just come out of the swimming pool? A: Because they are all wet.

It’s okay if “buoyancy” makes you happy — whatever floats your boat.

Im sorry, but you only have two weeks to live *slides the doctor a five dollar bill* Ooooh make that 3 weeks buddy *winks at loved ones*

Meatballs have bread crumbs inside them. Meat plus bread means that a meatball is actually a sandwich.

I’m going to the Kentucky men’s basketball game vs Grand Canyon tonight I’m pretty worried, I hear Grand Canyon’s really deep.

What do men and slurpees have in common? If you don’t suck them fast enough they lose their shape.