Next to a lie, a pun is the lowest form of creation.

I was watching the super bowl And a hockey game broke out.

Some of your timelines are my morning paper.

I was waiting for my wife to try on clothes & spoke to this woman for almost 20 minutes until I looked up & noticed her head was missing.

A lot of the classic “cool” behaviors are pretty much just acting like a cat.

Freeze a regular Snickers bar for the satisfying CRUNCH of all your front teeth breaking at once.

my girlfriend texted me saying she was going to go out shopping for an hour sent at: 2001-11-06 3:35 PM

What’s burnt to a crisp and at the top of the stairs? Stephen Hawking after a house fire.

What do you call a peaceful Indian sending a picture in the mail of a snobbish criminal going down stairs? Ghandi-sending a condescending con descending Sorry.. I’m tired

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.