What happened to the lizard in the wizard’s garden pond? He had him newt-ered.

They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. This is my 56th time posting this joke.

Not joke Teacher :What is the difference man & woman ? Pupil :Sir, in overtime ,overdose & overhead ,man shouts and woman sobs

me: I want to travel to the victorian era & meet a real gentleman [takes time machine back to 1860 England] man: 31? what are u my grandma?

Double standards are the worst. I mean, if a girl sleeps with lots of guys, she’s considered a slut. But when a guy does it, he’s considered a homosexual.

This boy said he was going to hit me with the neck of a guitar…. I said, Is that a fret?

I used to work at a knife factory but then it got dull.

I bet the creator of the artificial heart is pretty pissed that we still use “sliced bread” as our basis for great inventions.

Why did the bicycle fall down? because it was two-tired.

There’s no “creative” way to arrange 29 sponsor logos. Let it go, walkathon t-shirt designer.