What’s the worst gear for America? Cruz control.

My jokes are like straws They suck.

Science confirm that humans can ingest deadly poison or even molten lava. Once

*opens door* trick or treat? “It’s October 14th” I’m dressed as a time traveller *scraps dinner off plate into his bag* “touche”

Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon? There’s a great view, but no atmosphere.

What’s the hardest part when your ex tells you she is HIV positive Trying to act surprised.

Why does Bill Cosby carry around a nutcracker everywhere he goes? So he can bust a nut without having to rape anybody.

Omg, I’m a huge fan! -Windmills

A dance club by night and coffee house by day, called Bump and Grind.

[shipwreck diary] Day 3: dude next to me can hold his breath for 3 days. Going on 4. Very impressive.