I’m surprised more death row inmates don’t choose a machine gun, a key to the prison, and a helicopter for their last meal.

Question: What did the dead raccoon say in his will? Answer: “Leave it to Beaver.”

How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat? She can fit into your wife’s clothes.

#rubbishjokes What do you call the soft tissue between a shark’s teeth? The slowest swimmer.

What do you call people who use the “pull out” method for contraception? Parents.

Did you hear about Russia’s preservation new project? The Crimea River

Two years ago, I’ve shook with famous comedian and I haven’t washed my hand since. It smells funny.

That awkward moment you have long eye contact with someone who’s really attractive, only cause it’s too hard to walk away from the mirror.

What do a burnt pizza and a pregnant woman have in common? The guy didn’t pull it out fast enough!

A boy went into the local department store where he saw a sign on the escalator – ‘Dogs must be carried on this escalator.’ The boy then spent the next tow hours looking for a dog.