Martinis are like titties… …one isn’t enough, and three are too many.

Prostitution is the only industry where freshers are paid more than the experienced ones.

If you ever want to catch a white person, just set a table outside a restaurant in the summertime.

Why did the macaroni cross the street with a bible? Because it’s a pastor 😉

LPT: If you want to pick up wet girls go around driving while its raining and offer if they need a ride

Let’s make a story together. Comment two words and keep the story going from the previous comments. Anything is allowed if it makes sense…. I’ll start. One day…

What do you call a frog spy ? A croak and dagger agent !

The toughest decision I will make today is wine or beer… Life is rough..

So my girlfriend just told me that she needed velocity… Well, her exact words were “time and distance” but I knew what she meant.

Work tip: if you’re going to ask your boss if you can “work from home”, don’t use air quotes.