Why did Raggedy Ann get kicked out of the toy box She sat on Pinocchio’s nose and said “Lie to me bitch!”

[playing limbo at Gary’s house] GARY: how low can you go? *i sleep with Gary’s wife* GARY: wow, that is pretty low

HR says I’m not allowed to scream “OH GOD IT BURNS MAKE IT STOP” when I walk through the front door at work anymore 🙁

What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket? Some asshole has my pen!

A ‘short’ Joke About Midgets Why do midgets laugh while running? Because the grass tickles their balls.

Server: Want one of our famous milkshakes? Me: Well, I saw your yard and it was empty. Server: Huh? Me: No boys. Server: Huh? Me: No thanks.

Simba was moving so slow until I told him to Mufasa

Writing is a great career when people like hearing what you have to say but don’t want to look at you.

“How many fingers do I have up?” – a gynecologist who thinks he’s really funny

I don’t drink Kool-Aid because I am worried about excessive property damage.