Honestly, guys, I think I’ve made the perfect woman this time. She’s made totally out of waffles. And her clitoris is on her forehead.

I’ve just sold some glass rockets to Kim Jong Un. I hope he’s pleased with his new, clear weapons.

Where do poor meatballs live? The spaghetto.

My lesbian neighbor got me a Rolex this year for my birthday… I think she misunderstood when I said “I wanna watch”

What’s the only type of music that the balloon dislikes? Pop.

The apocalypse is apparently signaled by trumpets… …might have been a typo though, it could have been Trump/Pence

Can you tease, please and never squeeze Argentina? Yes, but you Gotze try a little tenderness.

Knock knock. Come in.

To be a good dentist… …you must think laterally and incisively.

How many pretty girls are there at a monastery? Nun.