What did the worm that crawled out of a plate of spaghetti say? “Worst gangbang ever”

[NSFW] Why do hipsters like anal sex? Because it’s indie ass!

Santa is near …. … I can sense his presents.

what’s the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? I’ve never had a garbanzo bean on my face.

What’s the difference between /r/news and radical extremists? Radical extremists fuck goats while /r/news fucks themselves.

Cop: Are you drunk or high on drugs? Me: No officer. Cop: Your pupils are dilated. Me: (Paranoid) WHA!, how’d you know I teach fat kids?!

If I had to guess where everything went wrong, I’d have to say it was the day I learned “elemenopee” wasn’t one awesome letter.

To impress the guys I told them I was dating an artist. I didn’t tell them her preferred medium was sandwiches.

Safe sex is stupid. Safes can’t get pregnant.

What is the difference between a duck? One of the legs is both the same.