‘Mum, can I lick the bowl? ‘ the child asks “No!” Replied the mother, “just flush like everyone else”

Mr Clause caught Mrs Clause cheating on him. What a ho ho ho.

What is the most sensitive part of a mans anatomy while he’s masturbating? His ears. Oooo! I get to say it! “Front page?! Wow! Thanks y’all!” Oh yea, and “RIP my inbox” Good times!

If you ever feel scared that someones watching you… Don’t worry, i’m right under your bed if you need someone to talk to.

What is Mister Miyagi’s favorite drink? Jack Daniels-san

Intellectually challenged people who have sex with each other are fucking idiots.

Do people who happily announce their pregnancy know they are going to be stuck with a baby afterwards?

How I know I am not a Racist… Racism is a crime and crime is for black people.

Bacon twice a day keeps a size 34 waist away.

I always use chloroform when stealing a child. Really puts the “nap” in “kidnap”.