A friend of mine asked me how he could become a more effective boss… I said, just change your name to Simon.

How does a SQL expert get a date? getDate() ^(I really hope this doesn’t do well, so cheap, so stupid, just had to write it when I thought of it)

The only time a Girl asked me for a coffee was when she mistook me for a Waiter.

A love letter from biscuit maker: Dear marie, today is good day, u r anmol for me… but u have crack jacked my heart, bcoz i have a little heart, now i m in 50/50 position…

Last Christmas I gave you my heart, But the very next day, I had heart failure.

“I didn’t choose the thug life.” I explain, entering an institution of higher learning.

Why doesn’t Reno Jackson like torrenting? Because he’s always fighting pirates XD

Why did the baby cross the road? Because it was stapled to the chicken…

I can’t believe they let people own guns. Public toilets are all the proof we need that humans have horrible aim.

Past, present and future walk into a bar… It was tense