What does KFC and a woman have in common? Once you’re done with the breasts and the thighs there’s still a greasy box to put your bone in.

The other day, my friend told me I didn’t know what “irony” meant… Which was ironic, because I didn’t.

With the decline of newspapers worldwide, staff in-house have been referring to the obituaries as the Subscriber Countdown

Currently working on an app for lonely people called “Words With Cats”.

Redneck sext message: You cant handle the tooth!

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a cow with three legs? Lean beef. What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your mom

Guy: Police, yeah there’s this black kid harassing a homeless person. Police: You had me at black

Me: You’re supposed to be taking a nap 4-year-old: I am Me: Then why are you standing here? 4-year-old: Me: 4-year-old: This is a dream

Telling a woman she’s being unreasonable is like juggling lit torches while waist deep in gun powder.

The purpose of Terrorism is to scare and make people feel unsafe, which is something it has in common with Cable News.