What do you call intercourse on a one-wheeled vehicle? Unisex.

Turquoise is the best colour. It’s been cyantifically proven.

Michael Phelps just won another gold medal for taking the quickest bath.

What did the deaf Canadian say to the American that was talking? Eh?

people who back up into parking spots are worse than serial killers

Did you guys hear about that actress who stabbed her waiter with her fork? Im trying to remember her name. Its Reese something. Help me out here….

What do clocks do when they’re still hungry after a meal? They go back four seconds.

Why was the hipster so successful in the stock market? He invested before it was cool.

Woody Allen’s version of his life will be his most brilliant fiction.

What did Caesar say when playing battleship? A2 Brute.