Why does Woody Harrelson’s wife call him Moses? Because he Ramparts the red sea each month

What do a plumber and a walrus have in common? They both like a good, tight seal.

in college, i was the third-wheel so many times they called me The Tricycle

I have a particular disease for which I deny the existence of some 80s bands There is no cure

Why don’t blind people skydive more often? It scares the shit outta their dog! – – – – **Now how do the blind people know they’re about to hit the ground ?** The leash gets slack.

2 pedophiles are chilling on the beach, one says to the other… Hey can you get out of my son

What do you call a Mexican midget? A paragraph not essay

Rain drop drop top…. 1k upvotes and i’ll sub to /r/clopclop

I’ll never reveal my secrets. Alcohol: Lol.

“Yeah let’s clone some sheep cause dinosaurs would be too awesome.” – Scientists.