How do magicians retire? They seem to just disappear.

Q: How many Virgos does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Approximately 1.000000 with an error of +/- 1 millionth.

What do you call a far-ranging debate? A mass-debate.

How did I get out of Iraq? I ran

Needed some help with romance, so I took the book “How to Hug” out of the library. Turns out it was volume 6 of an old encyclopedia.

What do humans and sharks have in common? The great ones are always white.

Mountains… They peaked years ago

My girlfriend asked me if I felt like aural. I think that’s where it goes in one ear and out the other.

What’s the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? A taxidermist takes only your skin. [Mark Twain]

I watched her squeeze into the booth, finish 3 Egg McMuffins, & stand-up. “My knees are killing me, it must be the cold weather,” she said.