Did you hear about the basketball player that fell in love with a midget? He was nuts over her!

Why do people wear sleeveless shirts? They like to express the right to bear arms.

Before Facebook, I had told maybe six people “Happy Birthday,” ever.

“Knock Knock.”, “Who’s there?” I Eat Map

Q:where do you see yourself in 5 years? A:I don’t know i dont have 2020 vision All credit goes to /u/RegretDesi

The Russian Army Q: Ho you Hld you -47 when running aay fro nuclea blast? A: On far stretched out hands coad, so the hot , fro the gun does not dip on s oned shoes!

How do you ruin a good joke? By posting it over and over on the same subreddit

My inner man is a fabulous gay dude named Gary who loves pedicures and bon-bons.

“Was that lightning?” No… they’re taking pictures for google earth.

Once a marine, always a marine. Even if you’re now working at Subway. You’re a submarine.