What did Dr Frankenstein get when he put his goldfish’s brain in the body of his dog? I don’t know but it is great at chasing submarines.

Why did the thoughtful father buy his six children a dachshund? He wanted a dog they could all pet at once.

Want to hear a joke? Just talk out loud.

What do you call a Mexican baptism? Bean dip. No offense intended(to get the racial shit stated before I get hit with it)

Dora, with all the questions she poses to her audience, is breeding a generation that will scream loudly at the characters in scary movies.

How do priests make holy water? They bless the hell out of it.

New twist on an old joke (long) Don’t know if this is the right place for this but I think fellow joke-lovers will think it’s amazing. http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2013/11/18/guy-walks-into-a-bar

My friends are named after what they do… My friend Butch is a butcher, my friend Taylor is a tailor, and my black friend’s name is Rob

What do call a horse that lives near you? A neighbor (naybor for pessimist horses)

What did the recent Sunni convert says about ISIS? They really scared the Shiite outa me!