[me giving tour of city landmarks] and on your left you’ll see a corgi in a bandanahe’s not part of the tour but let’s go get a closer look

I often find myself singing in the shower, which can be extremely frightening. Is he a clone!? What is this place! SOMEBODY HELP ME.

There’s this guy at work who loves shoving baguettes up his butt. What a pain in the ass.

First post: unconditional love test Lock your wife/husband in the trunk of your car for an hour, then your dog. Guess who’s still happy to see you…

I keep waiting for my Cadbury Creme Eggs to hatch into Cadbury Creme Chickens, but no luck so far. And sitting on them certainly didn’t help

Sex jokes Are Not Funny Come on guys.

What’s the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? A hockey player showers after three periods.

That’s a nice ham you got there… It’d be a shame if you put an ‘s’ in front and an ‘e’ at the end of it.

What goes clop, clop, bang bang bangbangbang!clop,clop,clop? An amish driveby

Mom: So, do you have someone special in your life? Me: Define “someone” Mom: You know, a boyfriend. Me: Define “boyfriend”