An attractive Girl sits on a guys lap After a few second the girl asks “You don’t have a boner? How do you do it?” The man replies “Its harder than you think.”

Sorry Siri, talking to machines is not for me. I still get tongue-tied at the drive-through.

Would a lion cheat on his wife? No, but a tiger wood.

A man was killed by ducks last week I guess you can say that’s a pretty *fowl way to die*

You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

What state makes exclusively swiss cheese? Swisconsin.

First Spaceman: I’m hungry. Second Spaceman: So am I it must be launch time !

How does Megatron get away with raw-dogging it? Decepticondoms.

What do you call it when frankenstein’s monster’s wife gets her period? Her monstrual cycle

Sister won’t let me eat her out I’m bringing this bullshit up to Father Tim at Sunday Mass.