A tachyon leaves a bar… The bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind here.” A tachyon walks into a bar.

Oh, you have dignity? Well I have nachos. I win.

How did the blind man know Santa was in his house? He felt his presents.

What did the racist ghost say? Wight Power!

“I’m not drunk, I’m a zombie…” ~Me passing out candy on Halloween

How did “Hans Solo” not catch on as an euphemism for masturbation?

How does a WWE wrestler like his eggs? Raw

I told my date I’d treat her like a deity. At the end she’d get nailed.

Did you hear about the new low fat religion? “I Can’t Believe Its Not Buddha”

What do a plum and an elephant have in common? They’re both purple except the elephant.