Condom Why did the condom fly across the room? Because he was pissed off

Why do midgets laugh when they play soccer? ‘Cause the grass tickles their balls when they run

3 women went to a bar… And they wanted to know how lose they are.. * The first one slid in a hotdog * The second slid in a cucumber * And the third one went down the bar stool

Why can’t you fool an abortion? It wasn’t born yesterday.

why is a divorce so expensive? Because it’s worth it.

Did you hear about the discounts at Darth Maul? I heard they’re going to cut the sales by half

Our Sins So what if the whole Hilary/Trump presidential race is a result of of that last guy who didn’t forward that chain mail causing the end of the world…

What’s the difference between a Muslim woman and an American one? An American woman gets stoned *before* she commits adultery.

What do you tell a conductor when they lose control of their orchestra? Go Bach and get a Handel on it!

My wife told me to find someone else if anything ever happened to her so I don’t know why she got pissed when she found my “prospects” list.