What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh! … I’ll show my way out

What is the difference between Michael Phelps and Hitler? Michael Phelps could finish a race.

I’m not afraid to admit that I’m not the sharpest elevator in the sea.

Why did the blond take a ruler to bed? To see how long she slept.

97% of the women who are in “open relationships” are also “completely unaware that they are in an open relationship.”

DOCTOR: I have some bad news. You have HIV ROMAN: What?! DOCTOR: Do you have any questions at this time? ROMAN: Yes, wtf is H4?

Does Kanye really think America would elect a black man from the south side of Chicago with an odd name? Give me a break…

Virgin will hate it when someone said… You don’t worth a pound.

My grandad was killed by a zulu He was having a shit in London zoo and the roof fell in.

What did the pirate say when his kids were about to watch their favorite cartoon? ARE YE READY KIDS?!