My birthday is the 26th, the day of the first Presidential Debate. I do love comedy on my birthday!

Who decides which weeds to kill in the garden? Weedicide.

What do you get if you cross a snake and a hotdog ? A fangfurter !sna

Are we still burning witches? It’s the 21st century. We should be microwaving them.

After spending over 3 decades in the hard candy business, I’ve had enough… I’ve finally realized it’s for suckers.

There was a mass shooting at the Gap store this afternoon. They’re still counting the casual Tees.

What is the best way to send a letter to the Easter Bunny? By hare (air) mail.

He asked what my favorite position was… I said CEO

It’s not about the sacrifices you have to make, it’s about making sure your knife is sharp and they can’t wiggle away.

For the record, riding my unicycle to the bank robbery was a terrible idea.