“I make everything sad, but I’ll class your shit up.” – Violins

“My husband is such a pig. All I asked for was $100 for the beauty salon…” “He took a long look at me and gave me $300”

I see, it’s all coming back to me now… Said the blind man as he pissed into the wind.

I moved to Australia, I’ve never been so appreciated! I’ve had so many offers to “Get F**ked!”… I have the pick of the litter!!

I kept trying to think of puns about the eye during my biology lesson, when we dissected one. To be honest, they kept getting cornea and cornea….

What happened to the engineer who miss labeled all the floor numbers He was wrong on so many levels.

Women are like snow flakes. They can’t drive.

“Thank you for coming.” “It was mandatory.” #corporateshows

How to begin a TIFU post This wasn’t today…

I Can see the future, Donald Trump wins the election This post made with **Internet Explorer**