Now that Justin Timberlake is married he might as well take sexy back and exchange it for some sweatpants and a recliner.

My dog just saved my life by ferociously barking at nothing outside.

The woman who first decided that tights are pants should get the Nobel Peace Prize.

A recent worldwide survey showed… A recent worldwide survey showed that out of 7,146,703,436 people, 94% were too lazy to actually read that number.

Magic Johnson is one positive individual.

When someone tells me they’re a doctor or an engineer all I can think is: “wow your parents must’ve yelled at you to do your homework a lot”

I wanted to tell a Lord of the Rings joke…. but all the good ones Aragorn

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it’s a sentient being with its own thoughts and desires

I’ve never really heard a ginger joke… Got any?

I have the attention span of a… Have I ever told you how much I like porn?