I play the keyboard in a band called The Internet!

One. How many psychics does it take to change a lightbulb?

Donald Trump’s doctor has recently prescribed him Prozac. He told him it would help him control hispanics.

I hate when I decide to sleep and my brain goes like “Come back here! Remember that thing you did, why?” & we stay up talking about it.

Why do Cows have Hooves instead of Feet? Because they Lac-Tose.

A-What’s up? B(londe)-The ceiling…

I was going to make a chemistry joke But I know I won’t get a reaction

You heard about the guy who stole that calendar right? he got 12 months …I’ll see myself out

Can a ninja throw a star? Shuriken

WHEN CATS ARE SAD Bartender: What’ll ya have? Cat: Shot of rum. [Bartender pours it] [Cat slowly pushes it off the bar] Cat: Another.