What do you call a cold and angry cow? Brrrgrrr… What do you call an angry and cold baby? GrrrBrrr…

Why does Santa come down the chimney? Because Mrs. Claus told him he’d never get in the back door.

All I want for Christmas is my own perfume commercial where I say random words like ‘hope’ and ‘passion’ & look like a date rape victim.

What did one testicle say to the other testicle? Don’t talk to the guy in the middle. He is a dick!

What did one ghost say to the other? Do you believe in people?

Cross-eyed monster: When I grow up I want to be a bus driver. Witch: Well I won’t stand in your way.

If you can’t afford to get your wisdom teeth removed… Try crystal meth, it really is a miracle drug. *disclaimer: may remove more teeth than expected.

Why was the Astronaut cold? He forgot to bring a space heater.

I’m proud of myself- I just finished a jigsaw puzzle and it only took me 6 months! The box said 2-4 years!

Chaos, panic, & disorder – my work here is done.