Danger is my middle name. Avoid is my first, and Completely is my last. Nice to meet you.

Which dance moves are the most sparkling? Congas!

Give me your best Chuck Norris joke. ^

What do you call a psychic midget on the run from the law? A small medium at large!!

How did the instructor try to make horse riding enjoyable? He tried to stirrup some interest!

If sex with 3 people is called a 3 some, sex with 2 people is called a 2 some.. Then I know why everyone calls you handsome.

A stranger called me the other day and told me to meet him at the cemetery at midnight. What a fucktard. He didn’t even come.

Me: Don’t be mean to my friend. Her: Your friend just broke in my door and almost strangled me. Me: I said he was my friend, not yours.

What do The Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common? The both circle Uranus and get rid of Klingons.

I think airlines should let you exit the plane on the inflatable slide on your birthday.