Patient: Doctor I am very nervous. You know this is my first extraction. Young dentist: Don’t worry it’s my first extraction too.

It’s a shame Pacquiao is opposed to gay marriage. If they were married Mayweather would have boxed more aggressively.

Women seem to think I’m an asshole… but I prefer to think of myself as an opposite sex offender.

Where do the cleverest parrots live? In the brain tree forests!

2 goldfish are in a tank. One looks at the other and says “YOU MAN THE GUNS, I’LL DRIVE!” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (I’m not deleting this)

What’s brown and sticky? A stick

How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm…? (Rated G) Look for fresh prints…

I’d like to apologize… To anyone I have not offended. I’ll be with you momentarily.

It was hard until I came into Faith and found bliss She was kind of pissed when she realized I wasn’t using a condom though…

What has three eyes, three hands, and three legs? Two pirates