Never judge Darth Vader’s parenting abilities harshly when we live in a world where Toddlers In Tiaras exists.

In my experience, most arguments are caused by a misunderstanding of the fact that I’m right.

Why did the man throw duck food at Nurse Jackie? Because she was a quack.

A daughter goes to her Jewish father and asks for $20 The father replies “$10, what do you need $5 for?”

After years of research, scientists have discovered what the woman wants! Meanwhile she changed her mind.

Two men have been arrested for stealing a calender.. They both got six months.

What did Darth Vader say to the vegetarian stormtrooper? “I find your lack of steak disturbing.”

I just invented a new catch phrase What’s yer Rush Limbaugh? Get back to me immediately and tell me if you love it or just like it.

I guess knocking on random dressing room doors in a department store and asking “hey, can I see how you look?” is frowned upon.

Hey Dad? Can you sing me the Alphabet? Sure, “abcdefghiJK.”