ME: Tall, dark, toilet-trained. YOU: Pizza.

Why is a crazy marmalade cat like a biscuit ? They are both ginger nuts !

DIET TIP: Always eat smart. Refuse any food that hasn’t scored highly on the SATs and been admitted to an Ivy League school.

You remember the singer Gotye? Do you know what he’s doing these days? Or would you say he’s just somebody that you used to know?

What’s the one movie Rick won’t ever let you borrow? He won’t ever give you *Up*. No? I’ll show myself out . . .

What do you call it when a guy pees into a bowl after sex? Split pee soup.

The fabric of our lives? Why so epic, Cotton?

What animal can only survive in temperate climates? A lukeworm.

On a scale of 10 to 10, how good am I at giving you a choice?

What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwomen? – Snowballs 🙂