What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? Same time next month?

HOUSE: I had dreams but no I’ll just stay here & let u live in me, fine whatever WIFE: Did u hear something ME: It’s just the house settling

Yes, It’s true eagles can soar… …but at least weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.

Why does the “forever alone” keep a beehive next to his bed? Because royal jelly comes in handy… you know, for lowering cholesterol.

So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem… …comes out of nowhere.

A vegan, a cross fitter and an engineer walk into a bar No they didn’t, they couldn’t decide who got to tell the bouncer at the door what they do.

Who are the world’s fastest readers? 9/11 victims they got through 63 stories in 10 seconds.

Ladies, don’t be sad if your thighs begin to start touching You’re becoming a mermaid!

Humans are 58% water. Jellyfish are 95% water. Therefore, humans are 61% jellyfish.

It is almost 2012 and we still don’t have printers that can successfully cancel jobs.