What’s the difference between Hillary Clinton and Bill Clinton? Bill has had sex in the White House.

My wife just woke me up to tell me… Wait. June is over? You must be… JULYing.

What do a good vacuum cleaner and a bad vacuum cleaner have in common? They both suck.

What’s a pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet? Everyone thinks it’s ‘R’, but his first love be the ‘C’.

What does an excited karate pupil say to his friend when greeting him? HIYAH!

A woman is like a delicate, Spring flower… …I have really bad seasonal allergies, so I just tend to get my fix by looking at pictures of them online.

What do you call an snobbish criminal walking down the stairs? A condescending con descending.

What’s the difference between a quid and a pound? I can’t quid my dick into your mom.

Two midgets got married They found their other half

I love that one Reggae song. You know, that one about weed.