How does a baritone make phone calls? Song distance!

China always cheat in the Olympics They always use the same person for every sport

Lois Lane was fired from the Daily Planet after she knocked Clark Kent’s glasses off and then panicked thinking a plane was in the building.

Why are gardeners better problem solvers than politicians Because gardeners really get to the root of the problem.

My girlfriend is a porn star I really hope she never finds out.

What do you call a warm glass of piss in the forest? A Bear trap.

What do you call a cow that got hit by a car? moo-tilated.

Nothing puts me in touch with my mortality like stepping onto a downward escalator.

My wife said I was average. I said she was mean.

This one time in 1993, Brett Favre sent an alpha-numeric representation of his penis to my beeper.