Did you hear about the terrorist comedian? He bombed on stage.

Good looks are a bonus, humour is a must.

Why Tom Hiddleston wasn’t in age of ultron. Maybe Tom Hiddleston wasn’t in age of ultron cause he’s trying to stay low key.

My sister wanted to marry a man clever enough to make a lot of money but dumb enough to spend it on her !

Why did the competitive deep-sea diver lose the big competition? He couldn’t handle the pressure.

What’s the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? A golfer goes, Whack! Damn! And a skydiver go Damn! Whack!

“Lets put the slowest computer ever into the gas pump & make people answer 15 questions before we allow them to pump gas” – Pump Engineers

Dear bed, I’m SO sorry I left you. I don’t know what I was thinking. Please take me back.

Pretty fucked-up that your grandfather used to jerk it while thinking about Betty Boop drawings.

Ever wonder if you killed that one really important brain cell?