Why didn’t hitler ever cook hot dogs at a bar-b-que? He always tends to burn the franks.

Robin Williams died like he lived Depressed.

They say tragedy plus time equals comedy… but I just don’t think my wife Debra farting herself to death in 2011 will ever be funny to me

I like my coffee how I like my women Bitter and cold.

A Prime Rib, A Baked Potato, and a Garden Salad walk into a bar… The bartender snaps his head away from the newspaper and yells, “Beat it, guys!” “We don’t serve food!”

Who teaches you how to fart? A tutor 🙂

How Swift is Kanye? About as West as Taylor

Why do black people have nightmares? Because we killed the only one that had a dream

Why do you wrap gophers in electrical tape? So they don’t explode when you fuck ’em.

What physical trait does a shapely woman who studies statistics have? Belle curves.