What’s a shark’s favorite illegal substance? Reefer

What’s black and never works? Decaffeinated coffee.

Alanis Morissette sings about having 10,000 spoons when all she needs is a knife. And nobody asks why she has 10,000 spoons?

Why didn’t the melons get married? They cantaloupe.

I lost my mood ring. I’m unsure how I feel about it.

WHY DO COWS LIE DOWN IN THE RAIN? TO KEEP EACH UDDER DRY.

What’s the best name for an atheist? Godfrey

Can we please be straight here- when you hit the wrong key by accident, that is a typo. When you can’t spell the word, that is NOT a typo.

Cop: How much have you had to drink? Me: Like six carrot juices Cop: Please step out of the hamster wheel

Why do penguins have skinny penises because they only have flippers